Tag: René Schweizer

Department of Public Prosecution
Canton Basel-Stadt

Criminal Investigation

…

Basel, Shrove Wednesday March 1977

Dear Mr. Schweizer,

regarding your inquiry dated 25th January 1977, I reply as follows:
The act of shitting pants is only liable to public prosecution, if those pants are not your pants and you commited the act with deliberation. Additionally a criminal complaint has to be filed. Under these conditions, following current practice, the grounds for a damage of property according to para. 145 sec. 1 StGB would be given. Thus the committed act is not an offence liable to public prosecution but a offence requiring a complaint to be made by the victim which, according to par. 6 StPO, falls into the category of private action. Thus you can be at ease and do not have to withhold your urge.

Concerning your letter dated 28th January 1977 I can reassure your, that your secret has been treated with discretion and that your “services” must have been misinformed.

Furthermore I am not able to help you with the issues depicted in your letter dated 1st February 1977. Nonetheless I can fully understand that the DM 28750,–, which you obtained by fraud to the expense of the bank, offered you more pleasure then the therefor prodounced prison sentence.

However I am relieved to hear that you currently have no truely serious problems aside the initially mentioned ones. Should this change, I would be pleased to offer you my aide and support.

Kind regards
Dr. U. Flachsmann, Prosecuting Attorney
Acting Chief of Criminal Investigation

Rene Schweizer
GAGA Basel
Aus der Lyss 20
4051 Basel
Tel. 25 12 06

Basel, 1st March 1977

Department of Public Prosecution
Kohlenberg 27/29

Basel

Regarding the letters dated 25th and 28th January 1977

Dear Sirs,

as I did not get a response regarding the abovementioned letters, I would be much obligated if you could let me know whe I may expect a response.

I am sure that it is clear to you, that I cannot deal with such a problem on my own. Supposing you do not consider yourself responsible for such matter, it would be of great help to me, if you could provide me with information about other bodies which you consider appropriate.

With sincere thanks for a prompt resolution of the issue
Rene Schweizer

Rene Schweizer
GAGA Basel
Aus der Lyss 20
4051 Basel
Tel. 25 12 06

Basel, 1st February 1977

Director of the Criminal Investigation Department
Lohnhof
Leonhardskirchplatz

Basel

Dear Director,

in 1968 I commited my first bank fraud, which resulted in 30.000 Franks and one year in prison.

As only the 30.000 Franks gave me pleasure, I wonder if there is a secret society, which educates interested and skilled young people to expert criminals. Have you, being familiar with this topic, heard of such an organisation?

I’d be very pleased to receive your assistance in this matter, as I would like to apply for an apprenticeship as soon as possible.

With sincere thanks for you effort and best wishes
Rene Schweizer

Rene Schweizer
GAGA Basel
Aus der Lyss 20
4051 Basel
Tel. 25 12 06

Basel, 28th January 1977

Department of Public Prosecution
Kohlenberg 27/29

Basel

Dear Sirs,

my agencies informed me that my problems, which I explained in the letter dated 25th January, are being discussed publicly at the tables of Spalenburg [suburb of Basel].

As my problem is not meant to be heard by the public, I would like to ask you for a little more decency in the future.

Sincerely and thankfull for a soon reply
Rene Schweizer

To explain this and the upcoming posts tagged “A Swissbook”, I have to go back to the guest bathroom of the house I grew up in. On a small shelf we had a huge collection of small distractions; dictionaries translating between German dialects, various cartoons, small brainteasers and of course books. One of these books was “Ein Schweizerbuch” (A Swissbook) by René Schweizer (http://www.rene-schweizer.ch/), a collection of nonsense or plain absurd letters to numerous officials. Somehow this book made it to my new flat and cheered me up many times.

At a recent party with friends and a nice big bowl of “Feuerzangenbowle” I passed the book around and people just smiled and giggled reading a few of the correspondences. As some of them don’t speak German natively, I started translating on the fly and the idea came up to publish an English translation.

With the kind permission of René Schweizer himself, I decided to feature some excerpts in my blog:

René Schweizer
GAGA Basel
Aus der Lyss 20
4051 Basel
Tel. 25 12 06

Basel, 25th January 1977

Department of Public Prosecution
Kohlenberg 27/29

Basel

Dear Sirs,

I shat my pants and would like to know if this is an offence liable to public prosecution.

Respectfully with gratitude for you effort
René Schweizer

During the next few days or weeks I will publish more excerpts of this “tactical madness”, as the author calls it.

For those who read German, I can only suggest to have a look at “Das Original – Ein Schweizerbuch“, a collection of correspondences of the last 30 years.

Cheers Everyone
Tim (who believes in casual madness)